Ok so I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking the past few days. There’s just something I don’t get from MY point of view. I’ve made so many new friends and got to know a lot of people. This is going to be so fucking shallow and lame and excuse me for saying this but I see all these girls, ugly in my opinion (which is dumb and mean already), getting chased by the most wonderful boys who actually want a serious relationship and all that.
Then there’s me, fucking my own brains out by over thinking about the way I look, constantly comparing myself, trying to look as good as I can, worrying about my weight, worrying about the way my hair looks or my skin.. Still, every piece of effort I’ve put in this, seems so useless and lost. Like everything I try to do to improve myself, makes me look even more bad and ‘unwantable’?
I always try to make every one equally as happy. I share so many things, ‘cause ”sharing is caring” as they say.. I’d literally do anything for someone I love but that doesn’t seem to matter. I know I can’t force feelings and I can’t ignore them either, I just wish better times will come soon.
I know I’ve got to move on and focus on myself, not the way others perceive me.. But I just can’t. I wish I had it all, I wish I was more positive as I was a couple of months ago.. Please come back :( I don’t like myself being all bitchy and whiney about stupid shit like this. I should be happy for others and in some way I am but in other ways I just come across as a jealous, self-centered bitch.
updated my about me and blog title, time for a change it is